what is politics?....



Boy Bastos goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

#1. I'm the head of the family, so call me GMA.

#2. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

#3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.

#4. Your Yaya Inday, we'll consider her the Working Cla ss.

#5. And your baby brother Junior, we'll call him the Future.

"Now, think about that and see if it makes sense."

So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has totally crapped in his diaper.

So, the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to his yaya's room.

Finding the door locked, he looks in the peephole and finds his father in bed with Inday. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Magaling, Boy Bastos! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Si GMA yinayari pala talaga ang Working Clas's, tapos yung Government walang ginawa kundi tulog lang nang tulog. The People hindi pinapansin and the Future... nakalubog na sa ebak!"

beauty pageant boo boos...





Host: Saan ang dream vacation mo?

Contestant : Amangpulo.


###########



Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your
girlfriend?

Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy.

Host: What taptoy?

Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.


############


Host: What's your ideal age for marriage?

Girl:Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....

Host:Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.

Girl:Uhmm. more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less,less....

############


Host:If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to
showcase the beauty of the Philippines?

Girl Contestant:Bocaue.

Host: Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Phils? Why Bocaue?

Girl: Because it's a magnificent place.

Host: Which part of Bocaue?

Girl:The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banaue Kaya Yon!!)


############


The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says, "Hi!
I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo.," and then she turns around, walks a little,
goes back then yells at the top of her lungs! Then shouts,
"CITYYYYYYYY!!!!"


############


(From Little Miss Philippines)

Host: Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?

Girl: Maging lalaki po!


############


Host: Who's your favorite author?

Contestant: Danielle Steele

Host: Why Danielle Steele?

Contestant: Because, because.Danielle Steele, I like best.


############


Host: How would you like me to address you?

Contestant: My address is Project 8, Quezon City.

############


Host: What is your best feature?

Contestant: My graduation feature.


############


Host: So tell us, why did join this contest?

Contestant: Me, join this contest, why did I????? Thank you!


############

Host: What do you want to be after you graduate?

Contestant: I want to be a successful Medicine.


############

Host: Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?

Contestant : BRA!


############

Host: What is you favorite motto?

Contestant: If others can't why, why can't I!


############

Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?

Contestant: Please come back.


############


(From gay beauty contest)

Host: What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?

Gay contestant: (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!


############


Host : What is your typical day?

Contestant : I think Saturday po!


############


(From gay contest)

Host: Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?

Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga
po ulit yung question?

############


Host: Which part of your body is your best a-sset?

Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!


############


Host : What is your favorite motto?

Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd
starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is
gold!"

Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!


############


Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"

Contestant: That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)

############


Host: So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?

Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that na nga?

KALABASH?


############


Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?

Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)

Host : Who is your favorite hero then?

Girl: Hulk Hogan.


############


Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?

Girl Contestant: Uhmm... a bumble bee!


############


Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?

Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.


############


Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?

Girl : Between 24 and 25!


############


Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Girl : I'll be 28 years old.


############


Host : Describe your love one in three words.

Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.

Host : OK, sige!

Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!


############


Host : If you were given any special power, what would it
be?

Girl : Power of Attorney!


############


Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?

Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.

Host : What works of Shakespeare?

Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh, depende.....

Host : But he's your favorite.

Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.


############


Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?

Girl : Drugs.

Host : Why?

Girl : Mahal eh!


############


Host : What is the essence of being gay?

Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to
the eye!


############


Host : What makes you blush?

Girl : Blush on!


############


Host : What is the essence of a man?

Gay Contestant : Testicles!


############


Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here?
Did you ride or did you walk?

Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?

more jokes..... hehehe




Tatay: Anak, ibili mo nga ako ng softdrink
Anak: Coke o Pepsi?
Tatay: Coke
Anak: Diet o Regular?
Tatay: regular
Anak: Bote o in can?
Tatay: Bote
Anak: 8 oz o litro?
Tatay: Puneta, tubig na nga lang.
Anak: Mineral o distilled?
Tatay: Mineral.
Anak: Malamig o hindi?
Tatay: Hahampasin na kita ng walis eh!
Anak: Tambo o tingting?
Tatay: Hayop ka!
Anak: Baka o kambing?

*****
Ale: Doc, meron po akong brownish discharge.
Parang na- infect.
Duktor: Gaano kadalas ka mag-sex?
Ale: Once a year po.
Duktor: Ahh, hindi yan infection, KALAWANG YAN!!

*****

CENSUS officer: Mrs, ilan bang anak nyo?
MRS: 14 po.
CENSUS: Ang dami naman! Di ba kayo gumagamit ng pills, condom, withdrawal o rhythm?
MRS: Hindi po, kwan lang po ng mister ko talaga!

*****
Loi: "Love, may mga friends ako na nagpa-enhance ng boobs. Okey lang ba sayo kung magpadagdag din ako?
Erap: "Ewan ko, parang hindi yata bagay sa'yo
ang tatlong su-so!!!"
******

Mental patient is singing while lying in his
hospital bed. After a song, he turns face down to sing again.
NURSE: Bakit ka bumaliktad?
PATIENT: Side B na kasi eh.
*******

WIFE: Doc, bakit lumalabas ang mga ugat sa bird ng mister ko?
DOC: Varicose veins yon!
WIFE: Anong cause nun?
DOC: Pareho din sa legs mo....pag laging nakatayo!!!

*****

Guro: Ano dapat gawin pag may lindol?
Boy: Buksan po ang ilaw!
Guro: Bakit?
Boy: Kasi po sa bahay kubo namin, madalas lumindol kapag gabi, pero pag-switch ko po ng ilaw, biglang tumitigil!!!

*****
B ADING na may binili sa MERCURY Drug Store............
Bading: Miss, may XXL ba kayo na condom?
Miss: Meron po, bibili ba kayo?
Bading: Hindi, aabangan ko ang bibili nyan!

*****
Isang ale to another: How do you make your husband punctual in coming home from work?
Second ale: Simple........ I tell him sex will start at exactly 9 pm, with or without him!!!
******

ANAK: ;'Nay, sabi ng titser ko ang ina ay ILAW
NG TAHANAN. Eh ano naman po ang tawag sa ama?
INA: (aburido) Sabihin mo sa ma'am mo, ang AMA ang taga-PUNDI NG ILAW!!!

CREATIVE PINOY MEALS


Totoo yan! Nasa baba yung picture nung lugar . . .

Pinoys Favorite Food:

THIS WAS POSTED IN ONE RESTAURANT NEAR NAIA AIRPORT,
so, maybe next time you are around the area, you may
as well dine-in there, and check out their menu; AS
YOU GO ON, IT'S BECOMING INTERESTING AND MORE
FLAVORFUL!!! (this is based on true facts...)

1. TAPSILOG - Tapa, Sinangag, Itlog


2. LONGSILOG - Longganisa, Sinangag, Itlog


3. HOTSILOG - Hotdog, Sinangag, Itlog


4. PORKSILOG - Pork, Sinangag, Itlog


5. CHICKSILOG - Chicken, Sinangag Itlog


6. AZUCARERA - Adobong Aso


7. LUGLOG - Lugaw, Itlog


8. PAKAPLOG - Pandesal, Kape, Itlog


9. KALOG - Kanin, Itlog


10. PAKALOG - Pandesal, Kanin, Itlog


11. MAALOG NA BETLOG - Maalat na Itlog, Pakbet, Itlog


12. BAHAW - Bakang Inihaw (akala ninyo kaning lamig ano)


13. KALKAL - Kalderetang Kalabaw


14. HIMAS - Hipon Malasado


15. HIMAS SUSO - Hipon Malasado, Sugpo, Keso


16. HIMAS PEKPEK - Hipon Malasado, Kropek, Pinekpekan


17. PEKPEK MONG MALAKI - Kropek, Pinekpekan, Monggo,
Malasado, Laing, Kilawin


18. DILA - Dinuguan, Laing


19. DILAAN MO - Dinuguan, Laing, Dalandan, Molo


20. BOKA BOKA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape


21. BOKA BOKA MO PA - Bopis, Kanin, Bokayo, Kape,Molong Pancit


22. KANTOT - Kanin, Tortang Talong


23. KANTOT PA - Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit


24. SIGE KANTOT PA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Pancit



25. SIGE KANTOT PA IBAON MO - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin,Tortang Talong,
Pancit - Take out


26. SIGE KANTOT PA HA - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin,Tortang Talong, Pancit,
Halo-halo


27. SIGE KANTOT PAIBAON MO PAPA! - Sinigang na Pige, Kanin, Tortang
Talong, Pancit... Take out with Ketchup

28. PAKANTOT - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong


29. PAPAKANTOT - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong


30. PAPAKANTOT KA BA - Papaitan, Kanin, Tortang Talong, Kapeng Barako


31. PAKANTOT SA YO - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong,Saging + Yosi


32. PAKANTOT KA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong,Kape


33. PAKANTOT KA HABANG MATIGAS PA - Pandesal, Kanin, Tortang Talong,
Kape, Inihaw na Bangus,
Maruya,Tinola, Ginisang Aso, Pancit


34. SUBO! - Sugpo, Bopis


35. SUBO MO - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo


36. SUBO MO PA - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Pancit


37. SUBO MO PA MAIGE - Sugpo, Bopis, Molo, Mais, Pige


38. SUBO MO TITE KO - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola, Teryaki,Kochinta


39. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS - Sugpo, Bopis, Tinola Teryaki, Kochinta,
Bihon, Tawilis


40. SUBO MO TITE KO BILIS, HAYOP! - ...same as #39, minura mo lang yung
waiter kasi ang tagal ng order.

NOW, YOU BELIEVE, FILIPINO CUISINE MENUS CAN BE SO
APPETIZING, SERVE WITH SIZZLING LIBIDO... ENJOY YOUR
MEAL, BON APPETITI!!!


Totoo yan! Eto nga yung picture nung lugar . . .


[url=http://img2.freeimagehosting.net/image.php?660e50c731.jpg][/url

nyahaha kakatawa..lalo na ung foods..wahaha..