ui send nmn kayu ng mga jokes! yung mga kowts sa cell na sinasabi ng ibang tao or bagay...

lyk, masama bang magmahal, bakit nagagalit ang mga tao pag nagmamahal ako...

-gasolina!!!

pls! i reaallly like that!

famous lines..


"Pinapaikot mo lang ako
Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang
patayin mo na lang ako"
-electric fan

"hindi lahat ng walang salawal
ay bastos"
-winnie d' pooh

"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad
kundi ang mapalapit sa 'yo.
pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo"
-ipis

"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka!
Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon

"Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya."
-plema

"Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang
maraming tao ang nagagalit! wala ba akong
karapatang magmahal?!?"
-gasolina

"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa yo
Ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao
ganun mo na lang ako itanggi.."
-utot

"Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong
pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."
-Bola

"You never know what you have till you lose it.
and once you lose it, you can never get it back"
-snatcher

"Hindi lahat ng pink, KIKAY!"
-majinboo

"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka
mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa?
bakit palipat-lipat ka?
-TV

"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c"
-kili kili

Sige, batihin mo ako.... Sigeee.....BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
-omelette

Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-libag

"wag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?
-Lego

"Hindi lahat ng dugo puedeng idonate"
-regla

more jokes...


Grabe talaga ang mga iba diyan. Mahirap intindihin...... sa kanila ang
malambot "SUP", ang sabaw "SUP", ang sabon "SUP" pa rin.


How should COFFEE and your BOYFRIEND be alike?
1) He has to be rich
2) He has to be hot
3) He has to keep you up all night!


ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain
ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!


What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden
chair and a wooden engine?
It wooden start!!!

This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call....
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio
Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling
phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at
a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio
Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali,
Elpidio: E as in Elpidio,
L as in lpidio,
p as in pidio,
i as in idio,
d as in dio,
i as in io,
and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel:
A as in Airport agen,
B as in Because,
A as in airport agen,
N as in enemy,
Q as in Cuba,
U as in Europe,
E as in important, and
L as in elephant.


This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs...fried?
poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled
or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat?
toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We don't have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don't have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time,
what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis....


Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.


Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.


Anak : Tays ! kakains nas tayos !
Tatay : Hoy ! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi mo
ha ! Ano ba ang ulam ?
Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !


BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng " cooling place " ?
BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo " Hilow, hus cooling
place?


A man wanted to buy bra for his wife but doesn't know the size.
Salesgirl ask : " Is it as big as papaya ? "
Man replied : " No "
Salesgirl : " an apple "
Man : " No "
Salesgirl : " ahh..an egg ? "
Man : " YES , but fried ! "


Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh !
Girl 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya ?
Girl 2 : yung misis niya !


A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the
words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for
tonight."


So the White guy says "I love liver and cheese."
She says "That's not good enough"
The Black man says "I hate liver and cheese"
She says "That's not creative"
Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"


How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it.
If the cat likes it...rat!
If it doesn't...cat!
If it runs...dog!


What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in
the Philippines?
In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US!


Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap?
Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan!
Pag Bumbay - 5-6!
Pag Kano - credit card!
E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!!!


Lulubog na ang barko...
PARI: San Pedro, San Jose...
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
INTSIK: lubok na balko! tawak pa kayo pasahelo!

funny up vandals...


FA Wall:
"nobody cares"
somebody answered:
"not even the carebares?"
then another:
"not even kier?"
then:
"not even zoren?"
lastly:
"not even zorro?"
all written by different people.


AS:
AS chairs:
"push button to eject seatmate"

"push button to eject urself"

"push button to kill teacher."

"push button to eject teacher"
....reply: "it's jammed! We're doomed!"


AS cubicle:
"Donate your bulbol here.." tapos may chewing gum na pagdidikitan....

AS chair :
"you know bobo? bobo is you!"

AS 1st floor CR:
"if you forget the past, then you porget the purious.."

AS 1st floor CR uli:
" Im a simple gay "
tapos me sumagot
"sira! Dapat 'Im simple and gay!' Taga peyups ka ba? duh! "
tapos me sumagot ulit (with matching arrow pa na nakaturo dun sa reply)
"sira ka rin! yung simple is used as an adjective tapos yung gay is used as
a noun. kaya ok lang yung simple gay nya!"


CHEM:
Chem chair:
"push button to spray acid on prof's face."

Another chem chair:
"You Boron!!!"


BIO:
Bio chair:
"Push cadaver to haunt teacher."


FO Santos:
"SA MGA NAGTATAPON NG BASURA DITO... bawal."


ENG'G:
Sa Men's CR, facing the urinal:
"Hawak ko saking mga kamay ang kinabukasan ng bayan!"
Reply:
"the future you are holding is very small."


GAB:
sa likod ng armchair sa isang room sa GAB:
"takas ng ward 7"


MATH:
sa cr sa may math building:
"SUMAPI SA NPA! "
may sumagot:
"PAANO? "
may sumagot pa:
"MAGFILL UP NG COUPON AT IHULOG SA PINAKAMALAPIT NA DROP BOX SA SUKING
TINDAHAN!"

sa math building, sa likod ng isang "teacher's chair" sa 3rd floor:
"BABALA: asawa ni babalu"

sa math 3rd floor, sa isang upuan uli.
"you'll NEVER find what you're looking for"
May nag-reply:
"find x."

sa math 3rd floor, sa isa pang upuan uli.
nakasulat sa armchair:
"F*CK DA WORLD! "
ta's may sumagot:
"F*CK U TOO!
--WORLD—"

3rd floor math cr:
"kaibigan, pagkapatos mong umihi, paki PLUS mo naman, hehehe."


UPIS
sa loob ng music room.
"maam _______(music prof) boses palaka! "
tas may sumagot
"nakarinig ka na ba ng boses ng palaka "
tas may sumagot uli
"weh "
tas may nag-react uli
"oo, sabi kokak!kokak!"


VINZONS:
Wall ng vinzons
"Do not steal. The government hates competi-tion"

men's cr sa Vinzon's:
"remember: the hands that clean this toilet are the same hands that cook
your food."

men's cr waaaay above the urinal:
"if you can reach this, the fire department wants you!"


NIGS:
sa isang upuan:
"f*ck nigs!"
may nagreply:
"who's nigs?"


MAIN LIB
Sa isang lamesa ng main lib, filipiniana section:
"UP STUDENTS HAS BECOME PATETHIC"
tapos may sumagot...
"mali pang grammar at spelling mo, halatang di ka taga UP"

KALAI:
nietzsche-"god is dead"
God- "Nietzsche is dead!"


SC:
sa labas ng PNB:
"in case of emergency break as s and push butt"

sa girls' CR:
"Bawal ang vandal Dito!...
Mommy said: First Aid Terramycin"

sa girls' CR uli:
"My boyfriend and I had sex and now I'm pregnant"
Reply:
"Pray to God"

A Filipino is having breakfast in a hotel in France one morning. He was
eating bread and jam when an American while

chewing his gum, sits down next to him. The Pinoy ignores the Kano who,
nevertheless, starts a conversation:

American: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread??"

Filipino: (Little irritated): "Of course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble): "We don't. In America, we only eat
what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform
them in to croissants and sell them to the Philippines." The American has a
smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence. Still the American
persists.

American: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Filipino: "Of course."

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chucling). "We don't. In
America, we eat fresh fruits for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam
and sell the jam to the Philippines."

The Filipino (irritated) asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

American: "Why of course we do!".

Filipino (now smirking): "And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?"

American: (a bit puzzled): "We throw them away, of course."

Filipino: "We don't. In my beloved Philippines, we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them into chewing gum and sell them to America...